Holiday meals are often the centerpiece of family gatherings. Tables are filled with turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, and countless side dishes that only appear once a year. For many children, this abundance is exciting. For children with autism, however, holiday meals can be stressful—especially if picky eating is already a challenge.
Food aversions are common in children with autism. Certain textures, smells, or even the appearance of food can feel overwhelming. Caregivers often worry about how their child will handle holiday meals, or how relatives might react if their child refuses to eat traditional dishes. The good news is that with patience and ABA-informed strategies, the holidays can become an opportunity for gentle food exploration without pressure.
Why Food Can Be Challenging
Children with autism may experience sensory sensitivities that make eating difficult. A mushy texture, strong smell, or brightly colored dish may trigger discomfort. In addition, new environments—like a crowded dining room with clattering dishes—can heighten stress, making picky eating even more pronounced.
Understanding these challenges allows caregivers to set realistic expectations. Holiday meals do not need to be about eating everything on the table. They can be about exposure, practice, and positive experiences.
Preparing Before the Holiday
Success at the holiday table starts with preparation at home. Caregivers can introduce elements of the holiday meal in low-pressure ways:
- Preview new foods. In the weeks leading up to the holiday, introduce small amounts of traditional dishes during regular meals. Even placing a new food on the plate without expectation of eating builds familiarity.
- Use visual supports. Show pictures of holiday foods and talk about them. For example, “This is stuffing. It looks like bread but has herbs inside.”
- Practice table routines. If your child struggles with sitting for meals, practice short family meals at home to build stamina before the big day.
Strategies for the Holiday Table
On the day of the gathering, caregivers can use specific strategies to reduce stress:
- Offer familiar foods. Pack a few of your child’s favorites to ensure they have something comfortable to eat.
- Encourage participation without eating. Allow your child to help serve food, pass dishes, or stir ingredients in the kitchen. Being involved builds positive associations.
- Model curiosity. Instead of saying, “You have to try this,” show gentle curiosity: “This turkey smells warm. I wonder if it tastes like chicken?” Modeling exploration can spark interest without pressure.
- Use “taste and see” approaches. Encourage small steps—smelling, touching, or licking a food—before expecting a bite. Each step is progress.
Managing Sensory Needs
Holiday meals can be overwhelming not only because of food but also because of sensory overload. Consider these adjustments:
- Seat your child strategically. Sitting at the end of the table or in a quieter area reduces distractions.
- Offer sensory tools. Headphones, chewable jewelry, or a stress ball can help with regulation.
- Allow breaks. Let your child step away from the table when needed. Returning calmly is more successful than forcing them to stay.
Encouraging Food Flexibility Long-Term
The holidays are just one step in a broader journey of building food flexibility. ABA-informed strategies emphasize gradual exposure and reinforcement. Caregivers can:
- Celebrate even tiny successes, like smelling a new food.
- Pair new foods with favorites to increase comfort.
- Reinforce attempts with praise: “I love how you touched the green beans today!”
- Keep expectations realistic. Progress may take time, and that’s okay.
Talking with Family
Relatives may not always understand picky eating. To prevent misunderstandings, caregivers can explain simply: “He sometimes finds new foods overwhelming, but he’s learning to explore them at his own pace.” Most family members will appreciate the explanation and respect your approach.
It can also help to set boundaries in advance, such as kindly asking relatives not to pressure your child to eat or comment on what’s on their plate. Clear communication makes the meal smoother for everyone.
It’s easy for caregivers to feel discouraged during holiday meals, especially when comparing their child’s eating habits to those of others. Remember, success is not defined by a clean plate. Success can mean sitting at the table, touching a new food, or even simply being present in a noisy dining room.
Progress happens in small steps. With each holiday, children gain more familiarity and comfort. Over time, the combination of preparation, gentle exposure, and caregiver support can expand their food flexibility.
Holidays are about connection and gratitude, not perfection. By focusing on creating positive experiences instead of forcing outcomes, caregivers can give their child a sense of success and belonging at the table. And that is something to truly celebrate.
